My family documentary
by Akemi Maxwell
Summary: Duo tapes his roomates' habits for a class project. Heero gives useful advice. Hilarious to the simple minded. Tell me what you think!


My "family" documentary  
  
By B.R or Akemi Maxwell. E-mail: brittanyrodello@yahoo.com. Gundam Wing TM belongs to Sunrise, TVAshi, and Sotsu agency, all rights reserved.  
  
3/10/03  
  
(Everything's from the cameras point of view) ~  
  
The screen is fuzzy but clears up once the tape starts running. Duo's finger taps the screen and waits to the red dot blinking.  
  
"Okay, this is "My "family" documentary" by Duo Maxwell. It's currently six in the morning on a Saturday. As you can see, instead of writing about my adopted family, like my other fellow students, I chose to film it." He walks, the camera shaking while he does so and he slowly opens a door. He walks inside, getting closer to somebody's bed. The camera is deposited on a dresser, facing the bed. Duo comes into view and he puts the person's hand in a bowl of water. The camera is picked back up and walked out the door. It shuts off.  
  
The screen turns on again and sunlight pours into the lens. The camera is walked back up into the room and takes a good look at the person empty bed. A big yellow spot is marking were the person used to be. Duo snickers.  
  
The camera is being brought into the hallway and stops by a door. The door is slowly pushed open and whistling can be heard. Duo's hand is seen reaching out for the shower curtain and it's yanked open. Trowa is stark naked, he screams and a bar of soap is thrown at the camera. Duo laughs evilly and runs out of the bathroom, leaving a very angry Trowa in the bathroom. Luckily the camera only caught his upper body and nothing was recorded.  
  
Duo walks into the kitchen. "That was Trowa Barton. Ladies, feel free to ask him out anytime," says Duo sarcastically. He walks the camera up to a blonde boy and a hand taps his shoulder. Quatre turns around to look then quickly turns his face away. "C'mon Q! Don't be shy!"  
  
"Get it away!" The blonde hinds his face in behind the cabinet door and the camera gets closer.  
  
"This is Quatre, he's camera shy. He also wets the bed at night."  
  
"No I don't, stupid! Hey-that was you?!"  
  
"Quatre is like our mom, he takes care of us." Duo says coyly.  
  
Quatre grabs Duo hand and throws it back at him.  
  
"Where's Heero?" Duo pokes Quatre in the tummy and a giggle is heard.  
  
"He just left."  
  
"Oh shi-" Duo forgets to finish his curse and the camera bounces up and down and the front door is flung open. The door is heard being slammed behind him and once again the camera is bouncing to the rhythm of Duo's run.  
  
Hard breaths could be heard as Duo keeps a steady speed and a walking figure is getting closer. Finally it's recognized as the stoic Heero Yuy. The camera is beside him and Duo catches his breath. "Say "hi" to the camera, Hee-chan!" Duo says.  
  
Heero glances at the camera and spits on the lens. It's wiped off and Duo turns it back to him. "Hey what's the motto for today, Heero?"  
  
Heero turns to the camera and points at the lens saying harshly, "Watch Your Friggin' Back!!"  
  
"Why is that?" Duo says as Heero begins to walk away.  
  
"Cause I'm gonna' kill you, that's why," Heero walks into an ice cream store. The camera walks in with him. Heero death glares the clerk and the clerk droops behind the counter. Heero jumps over the counter and makes himself a shake "As you can see," Duo says, "My buddy Heero is a real bad ass. Sorry, girls, he's taken. He's got a real pretty girlfriend, but sometimes she lacks brains." Heero leaves, throwing eighty cents back at the clerk. He drinks some shake and spits it at the camera. The screen goes blank.  
  
The screen turns back on and the couch to the living room can be seen. It's picked up and carried upstairs. A door is opened, revealing a very decorated room. Statues of dragons were put in all four corners of the room with paintings and little nick-knacks were strewn all over the place. A meditating Wufei was sitting in the middle of the room on a bamboo mat.  
  
"Wu-man, whatcha' doin'?" Duo's throaty voice is heard.  
  
There's no answer. Wufei stays as still as a statue. The camera is set right beside him and Duo comes into view. He takes a class swan and smashes it against the ground. Wufei doesn't budge. Duo grabs a figurine of a samurai and breaks the arms off. Wufei still doesn't move. Duo goes behind him. "C'mon!" He flings himself onto Wufei and started to playfully wrestle him to the ground. Wufei doesn't move but let's Duo drag him across the floor and wrestle him. Seeing Wufei wasn't giving in, Duo went back to the camera and carries it away leaving Wufei lying on the floor.  
  
"That was Wufei. He likes it when I break his stuff when he's meditating so he can train himself on not breaking his concentration. That way he "honorably" prays to Buddha or what ever he believes in. He even let's me wrestle with him! That's about the only time I can play with him. He's usually stubborn and doesn't allow play wrestling but sometimes he'll be in a good mood and throw me in the pool or something." Duo talks while carrying the camera down the stairs.  
  
He puts the camera to his face. "Well, you've seen my buddies, now it's time to view our habits and bad manners." The screen goes blank.  
  
The screen is on again and the living room is dark. "It's nine thirty-two." Duo says, "And look here, Heero is asleep on the couch." The camera is set on the coffee table and the only thing you can see is Heero's butt and thighs. A hand reaches down and grabs the hem of Heero's black spandex shorts. He pulls it back and lets it go making in fly back down and slap Heero's soft skin. Heero screams and rolls over quickly, grabbing Duo's braid. He pulls Duo over the couch and they suddenly begin to wrestle, trying to get each other in a playful headlock. All you can see is their lower bodies. Heero grabs the camera and turns it off.  
  
The screen returns and it shows Duo's chest. He's hiding the camera behind a sugar jar. The boys sat down for dinner. They were talking and shoveling in food. Duo did less talking and more eating. He takes a biscuit off Heero's plate and Heero practically jumps over the table trying to attack Duo. There was a time lapse and when everyone is out of the kitchen, Duo turns the camera off.  
  
When the camera is on again, it's on top of the TV, hidden between two stacks of DVDs. The boys are sitting on the couch still licking their chops after dinner. Duo burps. They chuckle and Duo jabs Heero in the ribs. Heero grins and pounds his chest with his fist. He makes a big burp. They laugh. Trowa makes a burp even bigger. They laugh. Wufei makes a burp twice as big. They laugh. They all look at Quatre. Quatre blushes and pounds his chest with his fist. A small baby like burp escapes his mouth. They break down laughing all over the couch. A little while later, Duo turns the camera off.  
  
When it comes back on it's morning and the camera is being carried into the kitchen. "It's six in the morning, on a Monday, which is today, the day I bring the tape to school."  
  
Duo focuses on Trowa eating oatmeal when a hand waves in front of the camera. The camera swivels around. The only thing you can see is a fist coming straight at it. The camera's fuzzy and when the screen comes back on the camera is sideways and Duo is lying on the floor with a black eye. He reaches for the camera and it fuzzes up again.  
  
When everything comes into focus again. Heero is standing in front of the camera. "Dude, why'd you do that?"  
  
"I told you," Heero says pointing at him. "Watch your friggin' back!"  
  
~ (It's not from the camera's view anymore)  
  
Duo stands up and stops the tape. "That's the end of it," he ejects the tape. The students giggle and clap. Duo gently rubs his black eye. "I was this close from being beat to death!" he exaggerates by putting his thumb and his index finger close together, leaving only a little bit of space between.  
  
"Any questions?" the teacher asked.  
  
Practically the whole class raised their hands. Duo was filled with glee.  
  
(A.N. These might be some of the questions you have)  
  
"Why did he punch you?" a girl asked.  
  
"That's his "good luck" punch. He gives it to you for good luck. Somehow he knew the tape was due today so, you get the picture." Duo shrugged.  
  
"Why did Heero scare the ice cream dude?" a boy asked.  
  
"Aw, he's had a grudge against that guy ever since he first bought ice cream there. There're supposed to put whatever you want in your shake, but they kept getting Heero's order wrong. After the fifth time, he took over and now he does what he wants in that ice cream shop and no body gets in his way," Duo chuckled.  
  
"How much stuff do you break in Wufei's room?"  
  
"I don't know, but I can tell you, a lot!"  
  
The teacher gets up. "Well, I've decided I want you to make another film."  
  
Duo smiles.  
  
"On your neighborhood, your friends at work, you at work, and during your weekend. Can you do it?"  
  
The class whistles, pleads and claps.  
  
Duo sweat drops.  
  
Owari  
  
I know it's a crappy ending. 


End file.
